An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink.
The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop fucking his wife.”
“So stop,” the barkeep said.
“I can’t,” the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. “The prick didn’t sign his name!”
A Couple Taking Golf Lessons (23 March 2008)
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!”
“Well, what should I do?” asks the man.
“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”
“What can I do?” asks the wife.
“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.
“The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway … about 15 ft.
“That was great,” the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!” says the pro.